From the "Who Cares?" Department, Vol. 1

In the interest of rounding out my repertoire, I have decided to include some news about people whose livelihoods don't add a damn bit of value to our world in spite of what the media says. (Interestingly enough, these bits of fluff with legs are all prominent within the entertainment industry.)

As the litany is recited, let the audience respond with a solemn, "who cares"...

Nobody can find Suri Cruise.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Brooke Burke might be pregnant.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Kevin Federline, who is alleged by some to have talent, launched the tour promoting his debut album.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Nobody can figure out whether or not Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn are engaged.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Justin Timberlake, who is alleged by some to be have talent, is slamming Taylor Hicks, who is also alleged to have talent.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Kate Hudson dumped her husband and is dating Owen Wilson.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Paris Hilton insists she has talent.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Nicole Ritchie insists she has measurable mass.
[audience]: Who cares!?

Okay. Consider my repertoire rounded thusly. Now back to the stuff that really matters to the rest of the world.