Traumatized Seattle Digs Out of Whopping 2-inch Snowfall

This week, Seattle was plunged into chaos when a monster snowstorm of Biblical proportions dropped a fantastic two inches of snow on the Metropolitan region.

Seattleites, who are horrible drivers in the best of weather, immediately set out to show the world how uncommonly stupid they are in a mind-bogglingly short span of time.

Before the first inch of snow had accumulated, Seattleites threw all semblance of reason out the window. (This is not much of a stretch, considering the demographics in these parts.) Suddenly, eco-conscious metrosexual urbanites in their blob-like Toyota Priuses found themselves occupying ditches without so much as an environmental impact statement. Snazzy Range Rovers, Porsche Cayennes, and BMW X-5s also fell prey to the savage onslaught of the howling winter tempest that left the city paralyzed under two inches of frozen hell and soccer moms scratching their heads in bewilderment.

I confess I had it easy. I learned to drive in West Virginia in the winter. I knew how to go up and down hills. Furthermore, knowing full well the importance of torque and traction in winter conditions, I ignored the shrill urgings of Al Gore and bought my wife a big, bad, heavy, 4-wheel-drive Chevy Suburban. Thus, getting up down hills was a piece of cake. Nevertheless, navigating the 8 miles to my ER for work was a sheer nightmare. Not merely because of the snow or ice; but also because of the incredible number of cars abandoned in the middle of the frigging road by their amazingly stupid owners.

My wife informed me that some expert stated that two inches of snow in Seattle is equal to 14 inches of snow in New York City simply because of the hills in our area.

I disagree. If the city, county and state transportations departments had any shred of common sense, they would be prepared for this kind of thing that happens every year. But instead, the Seattle mayor is more interested in sinking billions of dollars into a tunnel, and the county is more interested in buying stretches of commercially-viable railroad and turning them into dog walks. Seattle may be bogged down in snow, and Seattle natives may be pathetic drivers, but Mayor Greg Nickels and King County Executive Ron Sims are simply frozen solid in criminal stupidity.